The Mulder Family Vacation
by SashaAlexanders
Summary: Mulder, Scully, their 7 year old daughter, Maggie and a super long, super boring car trip. I suck at summaries.


**06:00**

Too early.

**06:15**

Still too God damn early. Just five more minutes.

**07:49**

CRAP!

**08:00**

Glad I won the holiday argument this year. Scully wanted to drive through France. Again. But I would rather tongue the cigarette smoking bastard than be put through that hell for the second time. Had already driven through France. It rained, the stupid care broke down 3 times, somebody may have had the map upside down and gotten us completely lost (still believe that Scully should have known that turning left into a field full of cows was hinky). Not to mention Paige was barely 6 months and cried bloody murder all day every day. Seriously, give me that cancerous bastard's tongue down my throat any day. Luckily, had Maggie on my side this time which was an added bonus.

Wales it is! We had to compromise, obviously. 'If we're going to England then we're staying in London' was Scully's answer. So for the past four days, we've stayed in a 4* hotel in the city of London. Scully and Maggie have done nothing but shop and sight see. Maggie reminding me of Joey from that Friends episode. Quite funny actually. Hasn't taken her 'I heart London' sweater off since we landed.

Thankfully, Paige doesn't like shopping so stayed with me. Total Daddy's girl, of course. And totally embarrassed by Maggie and Scully's enthusiasm over all things Royal. Is more interested in the dungeons than anything else.

Speaking of Paige, why the hell isn't she up and demanding we go and get breakfast before buffet closes.

**08:16 **

Found her with a check list and everybody's suitcases. No doubt in my mind is she Dana Scully's daughter.

**08:18**

Just been shouted at by a 7 year old girl because I put my dirty socks in the same compartment as my clean ones. Oops?

**08:20**

Scully now going through Paige's checklist, despite the girl having gone through it three times herself. Women.

**08:32**

Paige just stuffed whole basket of bread rolls into her backpack 'in case she gets hungry on the way there'. Maggie 'oooh-ing' and 'aaah-ing' over the hotels fancy china and silver wear. For the fifth morning this week. Scully has odd look on her face, can't tell why though. Stress maybe?

**08:34 **

Paige way too eager to get onto road. Won't let poor Maggie finish her breakfast in peace.

"We don't have to leave until 9, baby" Scully tells our daughter sweetly, stealing half the fruit from the buffet table and stuffing it in her own bag.

"But if we leave now, we get a 20 minute head start on everyone else" Paige argues, she does have a point.

"We will leave as soon as Nanna is ready and not a minute sooner!" Scully scolds her, can tell she's not looking forward to a six hour car journey with Paige.

**08:50**

Maggie finally finished, although by Paige's standards, wasn't quick enough. Scully, Maggie and Paige waiting behind while I try and find rental.

**09:05 **

Finding our rental not as easy as it seems. Would be easier to find a needle in a haystack. Maybe I should go back and ask the lady at the front desk.

**09:08 **

Still no sign of the rental. Scully sent five texts and phoned twice. But still, this holiday is shaping up far better than the trip to France.

**09:11 **

Finally found car. Parked next block -or street, as we're in the UK, over. Now all have to do is drive back to hotel and pack ridiculous amount of bags in, as well as three women. Great!

**09:15 **

Scully has that 'I'm going to kill you' look in her eye. Its scary, but its also hot. Like, crazy hot. I can usually make it go away by kissing her senseless (or banging her) but don't think that's appropriate in front of Mother-in-law and daughter. Maybe will settle for a quick kiss.

**09:16 **

Lent in to kiss Scully and she punched me in the arm, gave me a death glare and got in the car. Something tells me she blames me for the whole rental scenario.

**09:18 **

Stuffing Scully's over-sized, super heavy case into trunk is proving to be impossible. Don't even want to think of how I'm going to lift Maggie's. Scully women may be tiny, but they do NOT travel light.

**09:25 **

Finally managed to squeeze Scully and Maggie's cases into the trunk, just Paige's to go.

**09:27 **

Paige decided she needs the toilet, even though she went twice at breakfast. Scully going to take her whilst Maggie writes in the guest book.

**09:40**

Everybody finally strapped in, 40 minutes late. But still. Just trying to figure out the stupid Sat Nav now.

**09:42 **

Scully getting angrier by the second at Sat Nav. She seems to think that it understands her when she screams at it... And when she hits it.

**09:44 **

Sat Nav issues resolved. Scully's face almost same colour as hair, now shooting her mother the infamous 'I'm going to kill you' look. Apparently Maggie's Q's are the same as the number 2. Finally on the road.

**09:58**

Shit. Hit rush hour traffic. Wife and daughter both burning holes into my head with their angry glares. Maggie snoring (and drooling) against the window next to Paige.

**09:59 **

Would like to point out to wife and child that they were the ones who were up half an hour late and did most of the holding up but would also like to live so think better of it. Maybe if I give Paige the portable DVD player and Scully her gross romance novel they will be distracted from the huge bottleneck on the motorway.

**10:15 **

Haven't exactly moved very far, although traffic is starting to disperse. Paige has amused herself by kicking the back of Scully's chair. Scully threatened to break Paige's legs. Paige currently tickling Maggie in her sleep, Scully currently 'meditating'.

**10:20 **

We're moving again, full speed down the motorway. Maggie now fully awake. Hasn't noticed the moustache Paige drew on her in bright green felt marker yet. Scully too amused by it to shout at Paige.

**10:25 **

Paige bored. Again. Likes to tell me every five seconds. 3..2..1

"Daddy, I'm bored!" Right on cue.

"Only boring people get bored, dear" oops, wrong move Maggie. Paige's death glare far worse than Scully's. Maggie clearly uncomfortable and squirming in her seat. Scully trying not to laugh too loud.

"Well why don't you watch a movie then?" I suggest, and not for the first time in the past five minutes.

"Ugh. 'Kay" okay seemed to have worked this time around.

**10:27**

Maggie just caught sight of her reflection in the DVD player screen. Priceless.

**10:50**

All quiet again. Maggie being forced to watch Happy Feet for the ten thousandth time. Scully reading gross romance novel. Eugh.

**10:51 **

"Daddy"

Spoke too soon.

"Uh huh?" I ask, eyeing my daughter in the mirror.

Oh God I know that look. Her eyes squinted and her tongue poking out. That's her thinking face. That usually means-

"-when are we gonna see the Whales?"

"See the what?" I ask.

"Whales"

"Um, I don't know. Why don't you look out the window for any signs" I say, not wanting to tell her we are almost three hours behind schedule and are nowhere near Wales yet.

"Daddy don't be silly! There are no Whales on land!" Paige pouts. Wait, does she mean Whales like Shamu and Free Willy?

"Are you talking about the animals?" Scully asks for me. Good. She's better at handling this stuff.

"Well that's what we're going to see, isn't it?" Paige replies as if Scully is the dumbest person alive.

"Oh no, baby. We're going to see the country Wales, not the animals"

"Oh" Paige sounds slightly deflated.

"But there's sheep!" Scully says, feigning enthusiasm for our daughters sake. Pretty sure there was a dig in there for me too.

**11:16**

"Mommy! I'm hungry!" Paige huffs, the DVD player long forgotten about.

"Why don't you eat one of those bread rolls you stole from the hotel?" Scully replies.

"I can't. Nanna ate them"

Can see Maggie blushing and shrinking in her seat. Her cheeks are fat like a hamsters. She just shrugs and let's out a muffled 'so what, I'm on vacation'.

"I'll pull into the next service station, okay baby? I promise?" I take my eyes off the road for a second, smiling at her adorable little face.

"Okay. But no McDonalds!" Paige says adamantly.

Seriously. Paige Samantha Melissa Mulder is the ONLY child who does not like fast food. She used to love it when we went out for secret McDonalds, but now she won't go within 10ft of a fast food joint. I suppose this is a blessing.

**12:39 **

Just pulled into service station. Maggie out of car like a bat out of hell in direction of toilet. Paige and Scully ran ahead into shop.

**12:50**

Scully eating a salad, Maggie eating a Cornish pasty, Paige eating a smoked salmon sandwich (which cost more than the rest of our lunches put together). Scully perked up considerably now she's had time to stretch her legs.

**12:52 **

Can't tell who dragged who, but Maggie and Paige are currently playing pirates on the wooden play area. Maggie looks like she's having WAY too much fun.

Scully giving me the 'sexy eyes'. Knew her hand on my thigh was flirting.

**12:54 **

Scully dragged me into quiet, out-of-the-way corner and currently engaging me in a good old fashioned high school make out session.

Should really be getting back on the road but... Dear God she's doing that little sexy bitey thing again.

She tastes like tomatoes and lettuce and coffee but its still delicious and perfect in the only way Scully can.

God I miss being a teenager. I wish I had known teenage Scully!

**12:59**

Busted. Maggie blushing and Paige dry heaving. Scully just giggling and sashaying away towards the car.

Don't know what was in the salad but its certainly going to kill me.

**13:06**

Back on the road. Scully driving now. Maggie and Paige playing Slapsies.

**13:07**

Maybe Scully driving wasn't the best idea. Seems to forget what country we're in and keeps driving on wrong side of the road.

**13:10**

If I die, please tell Skinman I've harboured secret feelings for him since the day he first called me into his office. Hehe.

**13:11 **

Okay no more jokes as there is a slight chance will actually die at the hands of American Scully trying to drive English car on English side of the road whilst in England.

**13:12**

OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!

**13:13 **

Scully looks both angry and terrified. Paige and Maggie are green and clinging on for dear life. Maybe I should suggest Scully pulls over.

Maggie just suggested idea instead and it did not go down well.

**13:17**

Scully finally pulled over and I'm driving now. Thank God. Everyone's still alive. Barely.

Still hours away from Wales though.

**13:57**

Ladies of the car have been playing eye-spy for past half hour. So far Paige is winning. Think Maggie and Scully let her win the first few games but she's sneaky and is thrashing them now.

**14:07**

"Daddy?"

This is either 'are we there yet' or 'I need the toilet'.

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Are we nearly there? I need to pee"

Ooohhh both of them. Doesn't really surprise me though.

"We're halfway there, sweetie. Can you hold on? There's toilets about 5 miles away"

"Okay. But Daddy, be quick"

**14:20**

Maggie ran to the toilet with Paige, Scully disappeared into shop in search of sweets.

**15:00**

"Daddy, why are we stopped again?" Paige sighs.

"I don't know, sweetie. The radio said there was a RTC. That's why Mommy got out, to see if they need any help"

"Aw cool!"

Paige just clambered out of her seat into Scully's. Forgot she has an obsession with blood, guts and gore.

"Can I go help?"

"What? No baby"

"Why? I can help. Honest! I helped Mommy and that little boy a couple of months ago on the way to school"

"I know, I know. But the paramedics are there now. And Mommy is on her way back so they mustn't need help"

"Aw! I wanted to see if somebody's leg was hanging off" Paige sighs.

Should I be worried about her?

Actually, think should be worried about Maggie as she has been singing along to High School Musical and seems to know every single word. (We're halfway through the second movie. Or rather, Maggie is).

**15:03 **

Scully back now, Paige sat on her knee.

"Was it gross? Was there lots of blood? What about bones? Did you see any bones? Or-or-or legs? Was anybody's leg hanging off?!"

Paige is way too eager. Am slightly worried. Scully just looks amused. Figures.

"I don't know. Most people are on their way to hospital but somebody is trapped in the car. They're just waiting for the fire truck to cut them out"

"Aw man! That sounds cool! Can I get out and go see? Pleaseeeeee" Paige currently batting her eyelashes at Scully and giving her the puppy dog look. Man am I glad I'm not Scully right now!

"No, baby. I'm sorry"

"Whyyyyy?"

"Ask your Daddy"

Well played Dana Katherine Scully. Well played.

"Daddy?"

"Uh, because... Because... Maggie?"

"I don't even know what an RTC is don't get me involved... _I gotta say what's on my mind, something about us doesn't seem right these days_..."

That's right, Maggie. You sing your songs.

"Because I said so"

Okay, probably not the best reason but it seems to have worked.

**15:39 **

Still not moved. Maggie still singing. Paige and Scully giving each other make overs.

"Daddy?" Paige asks as Scully braids out daughters vibrant red hair. "How do you know about Wales? Have you been before?"

"Yeah. Remember when I showed you my school?"

"Oxford?"

"Uh huh. Well, me and my friends used to drive up to Wales and..." Oh, can't exactly go into too much detail about camping.

Scully would kill me for one

"And?... Ooohhh the fire truck is here!"

**15:53**

Scully currently testing Paige on bones in the body. All 206 of them.

**15:59**

Paige can name every single bone in body. All 206 of them.

Although she could do that before she could say 'Dada' so I'm not surprised. Damn genius.

**16:08**

"Mulder, is there any chocolate buttons left?"

Crap!

"Uuuummmm"

"Mulder!"

Kinda Scully's fault for leaving them with me. I mean really, we've been stuck in traffic for hours, how else was I supposed to entertain myself.

"Did Daddy eat them all?"

"I didn't eat them ALL" I say. I only ate about 2/3 of the pack.

"Daddyyyyyy!"

**16:29**

Finally, we're on the move again. Paige reluctantly off Scully's lap and in back seat.

Ooohhhh, we just entered Wales... 3 hours late.

**16:52 **

Paige hungry again although, can't blame her. Its almost tea time. Looking for somewhere to pull over, although have only passed a KFC and there's no way in hell Paige will eat there. Or Scully.

Ooohhhh there's a pub, maybe she will eat a veggie burger or something.

**17:03**

Won't eat a veggie burger but will eat pasta. Paige currently colouring in. Scully and Maggie are downing a pint of beer... Wait what?!

**17:05 **

Scully won. Jesus I love that woman.

**18:16**

Back on the road for what feels like the 50th time today. Should get to the cottage in about 2 hours.

**18:20**

All four of us singing along to the radio. Surprised Maggie knows the lyrics to half of these songs.

**18:23 **

"Daddy, are we there yet?"

**18:25**

"Daddy, I'm bored"

**18:32 **

"Ew Mulder!"

May or may not have turned the car into a fart hot box.

"Daddyyyyy!"

"Oh Fox!"

Best crack a window before family suffocate.

**18:39 **

Damn Sat Nav has died! Had to pull over whilst Scully looks for batteries in the glove box.

**18:57**

Have been driving for what feels like an eternity. May have exaggerated Wales a bit. Have been nothing but fields and sheep for the past hour. Scully ladies less than amused.

Not exactly how I remember it, although that could just be my memories are hazy as most of them are alcohol induced.

**19:00**

"Oh look Dad, _another_ field!"

"Sarcasm isn't cute on you"

"Mulder!"

**19:14**

Pulled over because Paige wanted to watch the sun set. Was best idea of the day, I think. Sun setting is second most beautiful thing I'm looking at right now.

The sun setting is making Scully glow. Her eyes are bluer and her hair is redder under the orange glow of the sun. She almost looks like an angel. Holy damn she's beautiful!

"Mulder, what?" Scully asks, blushing as she catches me staring.

"Nothing" I shrug, smiling as I wrap my arms around her tiny waist. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

Scully smiles as she turns in my arms, wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me.

Thankfully Paige and Maggie are too transfixed with the sun set to disrupt our make out session again.

I am the luckiest son of a gun on this entire planet. Seriously.

**20:50**

Almost there, thank God. Only about forty more minutes to go. Paige drawing pictures of the sunset, Maggie on the phone to Bill and Scully reading the brochure for the cottage.

**21:05 **

Crap Nav got us lost again so now we're relying on the good old fashioned road map. Would rather listen to wife's voice than awful automated lady any day.

Something about it is calming. Like honey, soothing and sweet.

**21:29 **

Finally back on track. Scully Nav is a gem! A totally hot, totally adorable gem.

**22:23 **

Pulling into driveway of cottage now. Its nothing like the brochure. Its much, much better.

Mother-in-law and daughter currently snoring. Not surprised in the least. Its been a long, tiring day!

Scully waking Maggie up as I unload baggage.

Looks like I'm carrying bags as Scully now has sleeping daughter on her hip.

**23:07**

Everybody settled. Maggie and Paige asleep in the spare room and Scully currently climbing into our bed in the master bedroom.

Love it when she snuggles into me. She's so soft and warm and smells like heaven. Her hair always seems to tickle my nose, but in the good way.

**23:08**

Ah, she's snuggling in as close as she can. Her head is resting on my chest and she's wrapped herself around me like a little red haired, freckly monkey.

**23:09 **

Man I love my life.

**23:10 **

I could listen to Scully's snoring all day every day for the rest of my life. It melts my heart.

**23:18**

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.


End file.
